stand on a ledge and jump

Update! I was kind of "drunk blogging" when I was writing this one, and instead of trying to re-write it or completely change it, I might add some stuff here and there because I was "writing while impaired".

There is still the phenomenon of shamanism to consider, so cheap vodka and tropical punch flavor kool aid might have been my last remaining legally available entheogen. The real irony is in the way that the sugar used to make the kool aid might some day be cost prohibitive for the poor like myself. :) Even worse, I must constantly monitor and self prohibit my use of alcohol for fear of becoming an alcoholic.

I did a google for "freudian slip joy behar donna", and this was the second result. I would say "how the hell?", but I suddenly remembered, we're all on the island. Do we need shamen? Do we need Timothy Leary now more than ever? While we are trying to figure out so many things to get the TOE, does it make sense to even be making such an issue of this construct of obesity? I am able to think spiritually on a level that almost seems to supersede any attempt to use religion for a mechanism for control, because my connection to God forces me to recognize certain universal truths, and inspires me to live accordingly on the positive end of the equation.

Before ever having a drink or touching the keyboard, channel flipping destiny brought me to the History channel, where I was intrigued by a show about Miyamoto Musashi and something fascinating about The Book of Five Rings. Wow, trying to do a google to get to a History Channel point of entry relevant to this show brought me to this point, interesting...

The whole point of bringing up the Book of Five Rings was to illustrate something to be said philosophically about "the void". A powerful observation, "In the void is virtue, and no evil. Wisdom has existence, principle has existence, the Way has existence, spirit is nothingness." Also important to note, "By knowing things that exist, you can know that which does not exist." Those words sat for around 250 years before somebody thought that the concept was "pretty cool" to say the least. I love the Japanese! Metabo! I was struck at the coincidence in how I have been ranting about some crazy "right to exist" argument that nobody is even disputing, all the while this stuff is supposed to filter down to me as I ponder the persistent and fascinating sensationalism and spectacle of obesity in it's pure form from the "all seeing eye".

The yin and yang of demanding change without clear, safe, proven, definitive, and knowledgeable path towards that change is providing the observation that everyone yelling "lose weight" is completely ignorant as to exactly how that whole thingy works.

They seem ignorant or indifferent to the death toll that currently exists and is growing due to the effort to improve health. I find one article advocating surgery with the quote "Out of the 105,000 patients who underwent bariatric surgery, about 212 of them died in the hospital, at a mortality rate of 0.2 %. So the stats speak for themselves…" When I read something like that, I ponder, by saying that the stats speak for themselves, is that "low" 212 acceptable? How much would the surgeon have to pay you to tell the family that their loved one didn't make it after doing this to be around to play with the kids? This was one "google quick pick" that I found while even attempting to see a death toll brought up. After all, the stats speak for themselves. Why scare anyone from possibly improving their health just cuz a few losers had to die?

By knowing things that exist, you can know that which does not exist. Does that mean by knowing 212 people died, I know that many more people will acceptably die as well? Am I wrong for being compassionate about the friends and loved ones of those who died for their health and the health of all those who will be so lucky not to die? Just like size is the last safe prejudice, are the obese the last acceptable human sacrifice to the Gods of thinness and health for all? I used to simply be amused by the persisting question "why not end size discrimination?". Now at this point in our society I fear it is becoming a matter of life or death in more ways than you are being led to believe.

I will honestly say that when our pres was brought in, I shed a tear with the sheer realization that our society just evolved intellectually. We overcame hate in favor of giving all peoples a chance to contribute on such a huge level. If I seem to ever criticize any decisions concerning obesity by our current admin, it's out of concern for humanity, not a political agenda. I will have to say up front that I still have utmost respect for the social evolution responsible for bringing our society into the 21st century. I sincerely appreciate the fact that a historical first like this was (finally) even possible to begin with.

Ok, here is the original drunk blog, wanted to bring in the heavy intellectual, only barely related to obesity thought stuffs before this crazy ranting starts!

OMG I just saw a weird parallel and I'm now seeing a secondary result that is totally fascinating.

OK, everybody knows about all the people who have this strange, weird, extremely hateful way of saying "go kill yourself" when they see a photo of a big chick eating a cheeseburger. It is so disturbing to the average person perusing you tube to come across a big woman eating or jiggling or both, that they usually have some pretty choice hateful words. I wanted to save this phenomenon for a future post at some other time where I attempted to count the "for" and "against" comments, and then save the "go kill yourself" total as an extra special bonus.

OH NO. I watched this clip several, several times in horror as I paid very careful attention to the specific comment by equal rights for all Joy Behar.

I have watched Joy's show on Headline News . I can appreciate her candid talk about this whole outrageous equal rights for all issue going on, and how ridiculous it is in this day and age that some people don't have certain rights that should be enjoyed by all.

I won't criticize, and I'm not trying to be mean. I think Joy is an amazing, professional entertainer. I am a lazy slob myself compared to such a prolific, influential personality. She is probably a future thinker, because she is profoundly affected by the plight of one group who is constantly under attack, and has to fight for several rights that should be self evident.

I would probably pee a little (Whoopi what are those pads called?) if I was ever in the immediate vicinity of such a massive, mega-star. She really makes me love the gays every time she has one of her witty, intelligent, charming, articulate, successful, very well dressed guests come on her show to illustrate the many ways in which certain (sexual) preferences come without a choice and people should not be marginalized because of their preference for a partner.

After saying all of this, I must hope that one day even the likes of super star Joy Behar will come to realize that other people have struggles too (without struggle we would cease to exist). Small people have small lives, and even the woman who seems to be at the center of attention has a profoundly small existence in the big scheme of things..... If you subscribe the theory of moral panic, you might suspect that there seems to be one going on right now under Joy's (very pretty:) little nose.

I know that Joy practices the art of comedy, and she does it very well to be where she is. She is awesome. I would try to be funny until the stuff people started throwing made it's impacts upon my person and the immediate area around me.

In a quantum sense, (rodney dangerfield sense of self degradation), "I would suck so bad at stand-up that people from other realities would be booing me off the stage!" (rim-shot) I don't know, I would get the hook pulling me off, or the dreaded "gong"!

Ok, let's get down to it, I had to kiss a little tail before I had to pull out what I was going to pull out... It blew my mind, because I knew it was accidental in an attempt to be funny in a current political climate where fat people have to be encouraged, nudged, just a tad. I keep pulling out "moral panic" and it's strange that I found out about Mr. Campos' stand on this phenomenon after I had used the wiki link to it in pondering some free writing myself.

Ok, I keep procrastinating! It's rough because this is kind of profound, and all the people within "the community" who are complaining about this woman are not even seeing this one tiny shred of data because they are trapped in "for" or "against" size acceptance. I wish they could see that someone advocating for size acceptance might have done some damage control by pushing that woman aside and really speaking for "the rest of us" in a manner of speaking.

I didn't listen so carefully at first, because I was so "wow" when I saw the photo of the hot fat chick behind the women of the view, of all places! Then I heard it.... Oh crap. "She might as well stand on a ledge and jump, because it's the same suicidal mission she's on, that anyone who is on, wants to kill themselves in my opinion".

Beleive me, I had to listen to that several times to make it out, because I felt a stumble there, right into the point, where she seemed to almost realize what she said and tried to cover it up with the sincere gesture of concern for the woman's health. We all make little comments sometimes for someone's own good right? I think this is why the whole size acceptance movement started. I argue "existence" and this is why.............

I see "go kill yourself" all the time. I know that the women of the view might have gotten some strange, deranged emails at times, so they might see it, they might know about it, who knows. I have been keeping track of the fat hatred going on in comments, that I'm sure is going on in the comments to this story, and in just about any story that features a supersized individual who is not conforming and getting sliced open or shoving a diet drug cocktail into their mouth-hole. The truth is, what this one woman is doing might seem unusual, but I am so very nervous to see what appears to also be going on behind the scenes at the same time.

When Joy said "she might as well stand on a ledge and jump", I know what she meant. If I bad mouth Joy for such a comment I am not the one who is going to carry much weight against such a powerful media entity. The very reason I respect her is the reason I also fear her. He he ah-hem... I see people say "go kill yourself" and it hurts, because I am obese by proxy. These comments are real, this hate is real. I don't think anyone would argue that this clear, blatant hatred actually exists. It reminds me of the hatred for another group of individuals, a group that Joy cares very much about and she constantly brings on her show to make me more accepting of them. Make me less likely to hold their preference for a partner against them. You know what I mean, maybe, who knows?

Ok, then after I tolerate what the other women in the group have to say about (insert Frankenstein voice)"obesity, bad, obesity, health, obesity, bad" Joy comes back with a typically vaudevillian manner and says "that big though, that big?" and then "I've heard of chubby chasers but this is ridiculous". Audience gives a little chuckle, probably by the disappointment of those who thought showing such a huge woman's photo would be a barrel of laughs.

I just had one overwhelming response to this. I do exist. I would "do her". I am one of those "chubby chasers", and yes, THAT BIG.

Please, Joy, please, pretty please, don't deny my right to merely exist. I know it was just a laugh, but hearing someone in the media mimic an almost sickening sentiment by accident saying "stand on a ledge and jump", even in context of a larger statement, and then denying my very existence for a laugh right after was really disappointing and even somewhat hurtful to witness. I thought to myself "that's ridiculous". I'm ridiculous. Correction, I shouldn't exist, maybe because I am obese by proxy I too, should stand on a ledge and jump.

I guess it's crazy at this point to bring up the whole upper paleolithic era when a matriarch of supersized women could have actually ruled the land. Wouldn't the ladies of the view be empowered to imagine women ruling the land, oh, but they were fat women. Maybe it's possible to dismiss any current, modern size preference as rediculous, or deny the existence at all and call it a "fetish".

You know, maybe it's ok for one group of people to have a specific preference, but if there is "size preference" they should be marginalized, and dismissed, and discounted as mentally disturbed individuals who have a deviant sexual behavior that really isn't right. You know, I almost started to forget which physical preference I started talking about! Did you? I mean, it's ok to have a sexual preference, but as long as size doesn't get involved. It's going to be hard to hear Joy say the words "equal rights for all" in the context of just one group of people. Oh wait, that's what hypocrisy is right?

I hope this wasn't disrespectful to point out, I simply have some compulsion to fight for my right to exist. Size hate really is the last acceptable one. All this time I thought it was just a quirk that size hadn't made it's way onto any anti discrimination law. I saw race, religion, sexual preference, all get inclusion into an umbrella intended to protect against hate. I had meant to do a whole post called "why not end size discrimination?" because I thought it was strange that this wasn't something already addressed. I wondered who could possibly be the one saying NO to anyone suggesting any protections of the rights of those of size. I guess people might have thought "those people don't need their rights protected, they need to put down the cheeseburger!". I mean, who would say no to ending any kind of discrimination?

Then I thought that they may have overlooked the severe building of hatred brewing in all these little ugly comments. All the people who say "go kill yourself" in those nasty, ugly comments to any photo that dares to attempt to show a large sized female in a "sexual" context... Man, people used to get pissed when same sex couples kissed on tv. Now that's not ok to criticize. It seems that it's ok to still criticize against one group, but wait, they don't need protection.

All I can say is that this is what you get when you let the status quo go by, thinking that everybody has the same rights, thinking that there is no need to protect people of size from discrimination because it's non-existent. Oh, forget all that talk about size discrimination, that's just hot air. When I saw someone accidentally say "go kill yourself" because it's just habit, because it's just ingrained, because it's just so programmed in there, I get kind of nervous. I think therefore I am. I think I have a right to exist.

I would find that mystifying, attention drawing, nearly irresistible to look at, figure of "hyper femininity" sexy long before I would even recognize any of today's super models as female at all. I do exist. I've heard of chubby chasers that actually find the physical appearance of such a woman to be very feminine and yes, attractive.

Please don't leave me flipping channels and hearing you say that everybody has equal rights except FAT PEOPLE AND THOSE WHO ACTUALLY DO FIND THEM ATTRACTIVE..... Please..... Please...... Please.

On a separate note, I happened to be taking just a few pics of a woman that probably looks enough like this woman while at a buffet style restaurant. I never even knew that this show came on, and this topic had been broached. I was curious as to why, for the first time, a manager saw me taking a few pics and asked "can I help you?". There was a bit of snickering here and there, and some odd looks, but I get used to that when walking around with a woman well over 300lbs and not hiding a single pound of it with big baggy clothes as expected by "the mob".

Upon coming home, I see this story breaking out and I'm like "OMG that manager chick and other employees saw this thing!". I was somehow able to distinguish the attention given at the restaurant as being different this time. I have to wonder if anyone who saw the woman I was taking pics of thought for even a second that this could be her or something. In the past when I would take pics or even shoot video clips out at a place, people just stared in the "as usual" sense that they do every time they see a 300lbs woman for what must be the very first time. Now it's different. I think after this stuff has reached this level, it will always be different.

There are people taking pics or making videos weekly eating a wide variety of stuff, and I am well aware of this because by coincidence I have actually created that kind of content... For all of those people in the sub-culture complaining about being "outed", you were outed every time you went out. People stare. They have to. Obesity is a spectacle, and it's not this woman making it one. Wake up! It's called moral panic, and it's the new money grab baby!

People have to make a choice, and it isn't about "acceptance". There is going to have to eventually be "one camp" that shows solidarity for size existence because that is the only defense to the "but your health" argument. If you go get cut open today, you'll still be fat tomorrow, and yes, a few days after that. No matter what extent people of size go to or don't go to in any effort to change or not change their size is really nobody's business.

If obesity is a "medical" matter, then people need to butt out because no other medical condition causes the general public to deny your right to merely exist. I know people are screaming about obesity, but let one of them scream the actual cure and I'll listen, unless you can "fix" us without killing us in the process, leave us alone.

A note to the producer of the view... Do the research. The whole freaking piece was based on misinformation because the woman claims to be getting up to 1000 as a freaking spiel! Dammit don't be so freaking stupid already! The producer of that show should have at least read the damned article to get the facts straight because the story these women were talking about was wrong! Misinformation, ambiguity, conflict, hypocrisy..... When this whole obesity thing blows over everybody will be on to the next moral panic, the next excuse to spend 400 Million on some other initiative. There's your damned story.

Geez I needed to say "you mad, you mad" to myself! How would they come to that dollar amount proposed for that initiative? By total coincidence the WHO claims to know how many obese people there are in the world. Take a guess! 400 Million! (in 2005) Wow, people just don't get it. I don't think the "left leaning" media conglomerate who owns the show "the view" wants to get it. The discovery of the 400 million coincidence was an accident, but I just pictured a meeting where certain individuals are asking themselves, "geez, how much should we ask for?", and then someone else flipping through the WHO report sees the 400 Million fatties total and says "how about 400 Million?" That should do ya.