don't worry, be happy

After all this deep thinking, I had to wonder what the use would be to any of my ramblings without an ability to think deeper and comprehend any of it.

One exercise that I came up with that could potentially bring some positive light into the daily grind occurred suddenly to me without warning, so I wanted to share it here.

First, a quote that I couldn't find immediately, "without struggle we would cease to exist". When I uttered that sentiment to another individual, the first thing that came to mind for them was the movie "It's a Wonderful Life". Within the context of that story, an individual was given the opportunity to see how things would be different if they didn't exist. This storyline has been duplicated potentially thousands of times in modern fiction, and even though humanity is entertained by the thought, they would never allow themselves to imagine the mechanism in place behind that very phenomenon! Another quote, "our existence is so relevant in this reality, that even our non-existence affects another version of reality because of the way in which it would be different".

The point of the exercise would simply be to think about the statement "I think, therefore I am". I started to think deeper now that I am older, and now that I have started to lose loved ones due to the phenomenon of our mortality. I have been made aware, on more than one occasion, that we are lucky to even be thinking and breathing at all.

A theme of a television show on spike called "1000 ways to die" is a reminder of just how the term "freak accident" can be the way in which destiny and fate conspire to enact an individual's immediate termination from this reality. In the opening of the show, the monologue says "The human body is remarkably resilient... Every day we fight a new WAR against GERMS, TOXINS, INJURY, ILLNESS, and CATASTROPHE The fact that we survive at all is a miracle... Because, every day we live...We face 1000 WAYS TO DIE."

This show provides an opportunity to disturb the equilibrium that is brought about by a failure to acknowledge one's own mortality. A quote that I thought about was "equilibrium is obtained by assuming immortality". In a way, people are being reminded of their mortality constantly now, and without the ability to appreciate life in the moment, some people are only left with the staggering reminder that they will one day no longer exist. If one can appreciate the mere degree to which they are important to this reality, maybe they would have some additional social compatibility tool to work with.

The fact that we are here, participating as random integers in a giant equation that can only be completed because we are, or once existed, is a pretty magical phenomenon to imagine. Not only do we exist as individuals, but we also exist as a social being as well, the most visible representation of "intelligence" on this planet. One can begin to appreciate one's mere existence more when one is reminded that they are meant to be here as part of the human struggle, and no matter what any one individual says, in no way can any one human's existence be "unacceptable" or "incorrect".

Maybe one mental exercise that I can contribute to the size acceptance movement in general is to give people more individual inspiration by assuring the individual of how important they are to the humanity equation on the whole. Size is a way in which we were meant to be different. It's not a "genetic flaw", but a programmed instruction to create variation in an effort to insure survival of our entire race.

When someone says, "fatty", having the ability to think above the individual self gives empowerment. It gives the individual the ability to realize that someone who is vocally attacking another individual based on "size" is just as likely to have the same response to a different race, or to a different religion, or to a different political opinion, or to a different financial strategy, different age group, ect, ect. This, in turn, gives the person being attacked the upper hand without a word spoken, because there is the ability to wonder which category of hate the other individual falls into. Hmmm.

Formerly fat? This group can be quite obnoxious. They are the cheerleaders on the sidelines, sure that if "they can do it you can do it". Usually they are being paid by someone to spout their opinions and sell the product they are being paid to sell (carnie wilson), but there are times when they choose to lead a crusade against the "excuse makers" of fatness. The irony and kharma to that situation is the way in which the formerly fat nearly always end up "re-fatting" no matter how much they brag about how long it's been or how "long term" their strategy is opposed to "whatever you were doing wrong".

They are the most cruel, because they know how difficult the struggle is, but they strive to "make it look easy" to all the skinnies out there, further giving those individuals the impression that everybody could do it if they just really wanted to. Even though they came from and will inevitably return to fatness, they seem to be the biggest enemy to size existence. "They'll be back, but will be silent".

Fat and Cut? This is the group who are also cheerleaders, because they have made a really radical, serious, life threatening decision to "go all in" and have the stomach amputation. They have participated in body modification for the sake of behavior modification. These people are determined to walk away from fatness and never look back. They would have you believe that as long as they show their scars and talk endlessly about what they have done, they will gain the respect from the skinnies because they have made the supreme sacrifice. When someone says "you should go get surgery", they can be empowered by the fact that even though it did not really work, they still went the distance to prove that they were willing to comply, even though they still cannot comply with the new size limit on our culture.

The size acceptance advocate? Are they attacking anyone? I mean, they are occasionally guilty of minimizing the struggles of the "barely fat" because there is no way for the plump to really understand the struggle of the morbidly obese. The irony is in the fact that the plumpers are treated worse because they are "so close" to avoiding fatness. Because people have the impression that small amounts of weight or easy to lose, they automatically assume that when someone is just a little bit overweight, there should be no struggle in losing enough to fit in. The tragedy is in the fact that the barely obese are this way because for whatever reason (natural selection), they were just meant to be "a little bigger" than "average". I will bring in something I think is relevant, because I want to show that people who are embedded a little too deeply in the size acceptance movement can be blinded to what the general public thinks of their "struggle".

I happened to catch the episode originally aired December 9, 2009, episode 14. "Death #:451 Event Name: Ass Phyxiated TOD: April 6, 2005 Location: Omaha, Nebraska Premise: A traveling salesman meets an obese woman and has sex with her. She passes out on top of the man after climaxing and suffocates him." There was a link to the dimensions forum talking about it, and deep within all of that I found the actress name is Angelina Duplisea. When I viewed this segment, I was immediately curious about if a television producer would choose an "actual size" female, or go with the ridiculous and in my opinion more insulting "fat suit". Upon seeing one shot, I could immediately distinguish a genuine, real shape of a lovely plus sized female, and my first thought was positive. In a sub-culture that is more size sensitive than any of us could ever know, the mere use of an "actual size" actress is very very significant.

All of my life, I have been witness to media that attempts to make us believe that someone on the screen is "larger than they appear". I have always wondered why there was a tendency, except in rare occasions, where talent and physicality became integrated. Without the fat experience, there may not have been the realization or eventual development of said talent. It is impressive to me that any producer would realize and actually take advantage of the physical spectacle of obesity, simply because it exists and is quite effective at drawing attention for some reason. It is part of the mystery, mysticism, and magic of obesity itself.

When someone says "such a pretty face", I am already aware that said face would not have the identical structure if the individual in possession of said face was not, in fact, fat.

I brought up that actresses name because if she googles it again, I would prefer that she see at least one other opinion in the "positive" column who can identify and appreciate her as a "future thinker". I saw a plus sized woman make the comment "I don't get why fat girls appear/perform/participate in videos or films that depict them in such negative ways." Most of the male opinion agreed that the whole pretense was kind of campy, sensationalized, but "the chick is hot".

The woman who is disappointed in this kind of imagery is so trapped as the size acceptance observer, that she fails to realize that the use of an "actual size" actress is a step in the direction of acknowledging that fat people are here to stay and there ain't a damn thing you can do about it. Again, "fat people exist therefore they have a right to exist".

The actress pointed out "I find it funny, however, to see the majority of men that appreciate my work, while women(generally) have comments that are like, 'oh how can she do that?'...I read in one forum how some woman thought I was 'sloppy', because of some imagined stain on my dress(there was none, she was just projecting)
Fortunately, I have an answer for why and how I can do this. I like myself. I am overweight and while I'd change it if I could, it is what it is now. If I can get (legit, non porn)work as an actress, I will take it. So just expect to see me on TV, in magazines/galleries or in movies more often. M'kay?" When looking through a forum like that, and seeing the massive difference in opinion going just from male to female, can you imagine the infinite probability of opinion by "the skinnies"???

I can appreciate what she had to say, because she will continue "despite" the protesting females of "the size acceptance movement" and she will continue to take legit work whenever she can get it. By being "out there" with her great look, she really is promoting "size beauty" while promoting "size existence" and "actual size" actor and actress selection as well!

Anyone so trapped in the size acceptance mode of observation could only discourage this kind of activity because of a failure to realize that the world doesn't have the same perspective that they do. The world needs to be shown that obesity is here and the obese have a right to exist because they do exist and they will exist (from alpha to the omega). To start arguing about "what is" and "what isn't" size acceptance illustrates one of the most complex, interesting, and enigmatic inner conflicts within size acceptance itself.

Wow! Went off on a rant there. It's all connected though. Appreciation of life, a tv show, a fatty on a tv show, response to that fatty, that response filtering down to me, it's all connected.

The skinnies? This category is so massive and complex! If only the fatties could begin to imagine how many things are going on in the skinnies minds! Maybe they could be empowered to the point of laughing at the name calling jerk instead of crying or creating an organization with the intention of "making it stop" or both.

I, myself, am part of the skinnies group. While I appear smaller in comparison to my preferred partner, I exist in a paradox where my mere choice of a larger partner makes me obese by proxy. I recognize in my own personal experience the tendency for the skinny male admirer to be marginalized by the size acceptance movement. It is totally understandable that the skinny guy has no idea of what it's like to exist as the morbidly obese female. In that respect it is expected that the role of the admirer is not going to carry the same weight in any size acceptance argument because of the lack of perspective.

When I examine the attitudes towards the big actress, I can almost relate to a bubbling sense of resentment and a need to have a voice in the attempt to create conflict with a figure that is significant in the role of size existence. I must refrain from going too deep here because "size acceptance vs size existence" is another subject entirely.

The skinnies are comprised of such diversity, yet there is still finite categorizations. When looking at the whole obesity struggle from a bigger perspective, it's easy to see all of the various negative influences at work. The skinnies have been programmed since the '60 by the invention of an image put forth by what almost appears to be the fashion industry itself.

The original starting concept of thinning the venus was to explore the connection between how sub-conscious concerns about over population might have contributed to the direction of the fashion industry. The fact that heterosexuals did not fully accept homosexuals did not stop heteros from handing over control over what is considered beautiful by our culture. If you were to read thinning the venus, it is apparent that inspiration took over and I went into completely different territory!

It is my hope that it is not inflammatory to suggest that heteros participated in reproductive sabotage by sending out a finite acceptable definition of beauty, but the fact that most male fashion designers seem kind of effeminate has surely been noticed by others than myself. :) While we still struggle over basic human rights of homosexuals, it is clear that somewhere along the line society and culture entrusted them in letting the straights know what we should all find attractive and the physical standards by which we should all strive to attain. This is simply an observation of coincidence, not a protest or an angry rant about the state of affairs and another excuse to dislike another social group.

The point of all that is that the skinnies are looking at all kinds of stuff. If you weren't fat, you might be bald, you might be short, you might be too tall, you might have big feet, or "tiny hands", or you might have messed up teeth, or big ears, or no muscles, or too much muscle, or lack of charisma, or out of style dress, or quirky personality, or have a big nose, or be cross-eyed, or walk funny, or be too smart, or be stupid, or be too greedy, or gullible, or overly optimistic, or overly pessimistic, or the wrong religion, or the wrong political belief. It's wrong to discriminate, except... It's a status of the human condition that should start opening people's eyes to the fact that "without struggle, we would cease to exist".

An observer stuck in the position of being obese would find it very difficult to sympathize, understand, or care about the position that a skinny takes on obesity. It is vitally important though, to be empowered, to understand that someone yelling "fatty" is a lot better than someone having permission to shoot the obese on sight. There is a scary line between the right to exist and anticipation of non-existence.

Mr. Campos has a very important message that people refuse to see because they are so caught up with trying to wrap their minds around the truth and really "understand". It took a lawyer, trained in the arts of perception and manipulation of perception, to even attempt to point out the severity of what's going on and the negative potential in the future if allowed un-checked. In a time when money is tight, he recognizes the way in which a party in power might arrange the facts in such a way to generate revenue through legislation. By constantly adjusting the criteria of obesity, it takes a big thinker to imagine that the obesity epidemic is created by changing the rules so that more people are considered obese, thus becoming a marker for the phenomenon of moral panic that he is able to recognize from his perspective.

The skinnies come from all points of origin and have had all different manner of perception "installed within them" from their upbringing. The many various differing levels of intolerance towards obesity is undisputed, the real issue is in the way that intolerance is something our race has been attempting to do away with for over a hundred years, but fails to see when it's right under their nose, being practiced by "themselves".

I look forward to the report coming out from the skinnies that holds the secret to how to fix this "issue". While I maintain that "eat less do more" is simple logic that has been ignored by nearly half the population, my only fear is that known inadequate methods of weight loss are promoted, or given away in such a way that further encourages the "shrink'em or kill'em" path.

This started out as a thinking exercise, but maybe I hope to reach the other "future thinkers" that will be compelled, like myself, to say "something" in the hopes that others are inspired simply to think deeper, think smarter, hate less. When exposed to hate, now my first reaction is almost sympathy. I pity those who experience the perspective of a single emotion embedded in negativity. For those are the individuals who are truly ignorant to the magic of the gift of life itself.